I’m sure there are more women who have a greater history in UPCI or any other Christian faith than I (Paula) have. I’m sure there are “some” who have come to the crossroad that I have and may be able to understand my story.
✔I no longer am distracted by the amount of cleavage that I see in the grocery store.
✔ I am no longer distracted by the amount of thigh I see at the gas station.
✔ I am no longer distracted by the amount of profanity I hear at the restaurant.
And there is a reason for this.
I’m going to throw this out there. (My thoughts)
There was a time in my life that I was very critical of everything that stood against or did not simply stand for/with the same that I stood for. I called them “reprobates” and/or “backsliders”.
I claimed holiness, and righteousness, being the only way to go and yet I had the most judgmental spirit ever. (No true godly love)
I was a worship leader, children’s choir director, pianist, performed other functions in the music ministry, taught Sunday school, cleaned the church (yes this is a ministry ) worked with the youth, fundraisers, sign team, dowel team, drama, church secretary,…..
All glory to God!!
I was blessed to be able to be used in each of these positions…..
But still, I was judgmental of those who didn’t “line-up and walk straight”. I was very critical of those who didn’t “look and dress” the part regardless of the ugliness that oozed from their mouth.
(Gossip, slandering under the guise of concern for their soul)
I partook in a Friday lunch fellowship (indulging our gluttonous spirit) with various friends/sisters and most often we talked about other people and how they needed to get right with God.
External holiness was the focus. Until…
(i’m not saying it’s not necessary but if it’s not in the right spirit… then it is as filthy rags)
2012 my life took a turn, I decided to dedicate myself to developing a consistent prayer life. The more I experienced his righteousness the less mine seem to shine. Daily I found myself in His grace and a truly thankful spirit grew inside me for His mercy.
Mercy: not getting what I deserve.
Grace: getting what I don’t deserve.
The more I know God, I realize I know very little about Him. What I do know is that he is merciful and showers me with love, mercy and grace daily.
✨If I am truly to reflect his love❤, mercy and grace, then it is important to understand that what I see in the natural is only a symptom of a deeper issue and how I respond to that issue is a reflection of my heart. I want my heart to reflect his Love, Mercy, and Grace.
Because of my insecurities, jealousy, and fear, I responded in a negative way. This is not the Jesus that meets me every day in prayer. This is not the Jesus that I have come to know.
This started a whole new chapter in my life and I feel a different person has emerged from my past into today.
I’ve had to shake off old friendships and spend time alone in the wilderness for God to mold me and now we’re coming forth into a new era in our life and ministry…… with a transformed mind.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I wanted something different than what I had for 17 years. I wanted a super natural, earth shaking, mountain moving, life changing experience. I didn’t want to walk into church on Sunday, hoop and holler and then Monday find myself fighting with my spouse and not feel any different. I didn’t want to experience one or two hours of fire and zeal only to feel like I’m in the valley the next day.
What I did want is a consistent fire🔥, zeal⚡, face-to-face encounter/experience, relationship with my God, my Almighty Alpha and Omega, Beginning and End All Providing, Omnipotent Creator! ‼
The more I experience Him, the more I desire him. For me, his presence was enough for me to allow Him to change me so the world can see Him, Jesus in me.
In my speech,
In my attitude,
In my mindset,
In my heart,
In every core/part of me …. including my past present and future.
After all….. If I am to truly to reflect his LOVE❤, Mercy and Grace, then it is important to understand that what I see in the natural is only a symptom of a deeper issue and how I respond to that issue is a reflection of my heart.
I want my heart to reflect his Love❤, Mercy, and Grace.
📌And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Romans 12:2